Hello everybody and thanx for being here with me!
This time I want to tell you about my experiences with letting go dancing and about how hard it was for me.

The moment I knew that I was going to be a flight attendant, I focused all my energy on that.
It was a very clear and obviuos cut and transition that I made and with my mind I had taken it already.
I decided not to do anything with dance anymore and to really try to let go of it.
Due to the fact that I had a whole new world to discover and to learn about, it was kind of easy in the beginning and I felt like I had no problem with letting go of being on stage and perfroming dance.
It was the world of flight attendants and of flying all over the world which was exciting and new, now. And it felt great!
I was one cloud 9 or in seventh heaven or on whatever you would like to call it. I was so enthusiastic and I felt so privileged to be able to have a second career, so to say.
In these 2 years I threw my self at fitness and cross training and freestyle training and yoga and Pilates, etc.
I was in the gym almost everyday and at least 2-3 hours per session. It was crazy!

And then, after 2 years I started to notice the downsides of the new job as a flight attendant. I took off my pink glasses and I saw the real colours and they weren’t that beautiful at all.
This whole process was inevitable; I was on such a high and I had such high expectations, I was doomed to fall from cloud 9 and to land on earth. Wake up and smell the coffee!
I started to realise that I was doing this job with such a high discipline and such an amazing work-ethic. I thought about it a lot, because sometimes I felt so alone and as if some of my colleagues were lazy and relaxed about their work and about their effort, which I thought was  too little.

And then it suddenly came to me; I was doing this job as a dancer! With so much discipline, passion, focus, ambition and willingness to cooperate in any situation whatsoever. And I expected my colleagues to have these dancer’s qualities and work-ethics as well. And that was sometimes not the case.
And I had to be careful that I wouldn’t be doing other colleagues work, just to make sure that all the passengers would be happy. Appearantly some colleagues saw how I was working and they kind of slowed down and relaxed, because I would do their work anyway. I really had to learn not to be responsable for everything and to focus on only my part of the work, because some colleagues would take advantage of my high work-ethics and my willingness to help, etc. Of course helping colleagues is necessary, but I had to help myself first and then the others, in case they would need any help.

So as soon as I came down from cloud 9 (with quite a “BANG”, I have to say) I started to miss dance.
Honestly, one can do 1000s of fitness classes or freestyle training sessions, but this will never be comparable to, for instance a dance class in which I could actually FEEL something. And this something is irreplacable and I can only get this in a dance class and I get so much energy and satisfaction from it.
As I was flying all over the world I decided to take classes all over the world and this was great!
I took classes in Singapore, Seattle, New York, San Fransisco, Amsterdam, Seoul, etc. It was perfect because nobody knew me and I just went there for myself and nothing else.

But sometimes I was doubting whether this was the right way. Was this really the right way?
Because at a certain point I will have to let go of dancing, just because of the fact that my body will not be able to do THAT, what I would like it to do.
This turning point will always come for any dancer and I was actually just only moving it ahead and prosponing it.
What was I supposed to do? Enjoy the classes till I wouldn’t be able anymore, or stop taking classes to be able to really let go of dancing?
And another aspect is that I don’t have any reason to take classes/to train anymore. I don’t have a goal anymore.
There is no necessity anymore for me to take a class. I don’t have to be in shape. I don’t have to practise something for a performance, etc. So my question to myself is: “What AM I actually doing in a dance class?”
Am I just enjoying it for fun? No, I am not, because I can’t just do it for fun. This is impossible for me, after 18 years of dancing professionally.
So, I totally understand the struggle that you might have as well with letting go dancing or any kind of art form you are not able to do anymore. It is difficult and it is kind of a mourning process that will take time.

On the other hand, I consider myself so damned lucky about the fact that I have been able to stand on stage for such a long time, doing want I like(d) most! And if it is hard and stupid and difficult, I try to think of that and of the fact that nobody can take away these experiences that I have had during my dance career!
Let’s cheers on that!